My Stressful Money Summer: Mindset Reframing Using 4 Questions
Personal finance is something I am extremely passionate about. Mainly because I realize that finances can become an extreme source of stress if not managed correctly. Shoot, even if you DO manage your finances well, it’s easy to constantly have a nagging feeling in the back of your mind that you’re doing something wrong.
“Ugh, I spent too much this weekend eating out.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have taken on that car payment and bought with cash.”
“Am I saving too much for retirement? Do I even want to retire?”
The questions are endless and incessant. However, there’s never a one-size-fits all answer. Personal finance is personal, and while gurus try to develop plug-and-chug formulas, there’s a lot of gray area everywhere.
My Stressful Summer
Back in August, my husband Tom and I identified that finances were becoming a sources of extreme stress for me. We are in a great financial spot -- with a healthy savings account, living below our means, and on-track for an early retirement. However, for some reason I couldn’t stop going down mental rabbit holes and beating myself up over money decisions that I didn’t deem as “perfect”.
For that reason, my husband took over the job as “money manager” in our household. In this post, I want to share with you some of my recent thoughts, and lessons learned after reflecting on that stressful period.
Scarcity V. Abundance
Through conversations with Tom, I realized that I’ve definitely fallen victim to what most financial mindset gurus call “scarcity mindset”. This mindset is a feeling that money could run out at any given moment, and you need to hoard money while you can.
In contrast, you’ve probably heard the term “abundance mindset”. This means that you are more loose with your spending because you believe that you can always earn more money, and there is enough for everyone.
At first, it was really easy for me to love these black and white terms. I quickly identified as a “scarcity mindset” person, and aligned my perception of myself with that term. However, there is so much more nuance than that.
Yes, each of us have money tendencies that guide how we act. However, decisions never need to be labeled as “good” or “bad”. Instead, review these purchases as an outside observer, and give yourself grace through the process.
Mindset Reframing: 4 Questions
As part of this process, I’ve developed a framework to help us give ourselves grace when looking back at a money decision, no matter how big or small. For example, let’s say you splurge and buy a sleek new DSLR camera to play around with.
A few days later, an unexpected bill comes and you’re beating yourself up for that darn camera purchase.
But how about being more gentle? Ask yourself these 4 questions before “judging” any of your decisions:
Was this a necessity?
Is this purchase immaterial? (for most people this is $10 or less)
Does this clearly line up with one of my top 3 core values? (mine are family/friends, adventures, and order)
Will I use this purchase to generate more income in the next 12 months?
If your answer to ANY of these 4 questions is “Yes”, you have made a prudent money decision.
Read: prudent, not perfect. Yes, there is a difference. The $4 Starbucks purchase likely isn’t a “perfect” money decision, but it’s so immaterial that we can label it as “prudent” instead of beating ourselves up about it. However, if you’re spending $4 at Starbucks every day, this “immaterial” threshold has been blown. Keep that in mind, and use your own judgement.
Another disclaimer is that I want you to be REAL with yourself. Yes, it’s easy to justify just about anything. Let’s just take an example of a flashy new car. Yes, I could say that having a new car will help me earn more income, because now I’m able to show clients and contacts what I’m worth and feel more confident. Is that true? Absolutely not. Don’t justify things that don’t make sense.
If you answer “No” to ALL of the above questions, consider returning, reselling, or gifting your purchase (more on that to come).
An Example
Let’s revisit my camera purchase example using the framework
Was this a necessity?
No, a camera is not a necessity.
Is this purchase immaterial? (for most people this is $10 or less)
No, it cost $1,000.
Does this clearly line up with one of my top 3 core values? (family/friends, adventures, and order)
No, I could try to justify it and say it relates to adventure, because I can use it on my travels but that is a stretch and not a clear connection.
Will I use this purchase to generate more income in the next 12 months?
Maybe, I could start using this camera to level-up my Youtube presence and monetize it within 12 months.
OK -- so since question #4 is a “Maybe”, I’m going to give myself 12 months with the camera. If nothing comes to fruition, I’ll sell the camera and get some of my money back. If I can’t sell the camera, I will gift it to the local Boys and Girls Club for a child who wants to learn more about photography. Win-Win!
There you have it, I just took what could go down a really stressful rabbit hole of beating myself up and worrying, and instead I re-framed it for what it really is. Correct, it wasn’t a perfect money decision, but I have a plan to use my purchase to create abundance.
Dollar Per Use For Clothing
One category I found never fit in my “framework” was clothing. Yes, clothes are a necessity, but not as much as the average modern person has in their wardrobe. That said, I started reframing my thinking about clothing purchases using the “Dollar Per Use” framework.
Let’s say I saw a cute top at a discount store for $15. Even though that is a bargain, will I wear it at least 15 times? If the answer is not a “hell yes”, it’s a no.
And always make sure to cross-reference your budget to make sure you’ve built in the occasional clothing purchase before spending.
How To Best Implement Mindset Reframing
The best use of this method for me was when evaluating budget v. actual spending from the previous month. It was clear that we were blowing our budget, and that felt stressful and icky.
Instead of freaking out and blaming myself, I re-thought each non-essential purchase using the framework. From there, I realized that most of our money decisions were prudent and we actually just needed to increase our monthly budget. Knowing that, we could make plans to either earn more or save less. Knowledge is power!
Another use of the framework is before a big purchase. Ask yourself these 4 questions, make sure the purchase is in your budget, and then go for it!
Just to reiterate, never beat yourself up about a money decision. There are no failures, only learning opportunities.
I’m looking forward to sharing more content like this with you in the months to come, and hopefully serving as a resource for you during your financial journey.